Pros and Cons of Adopting a Child
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Pros and Cons of Adopting Children
The effects of adopting children will be different for every couple, as will be the same for the adopted child. Every adoption will be different for a variety of reasons and circumstances.
Personally, we adopted our son when he was five months old. When they brought him out to see us, he had such a beautiful smile that we melted on the spot. We told the woman not to bother coming back, as we would definitely be keeping him.
To this day he was always our little man, and has never been treated any different to our daughter, and he is nearly forty now. We have never regretted our decision to adopt for a moment.
To Tell or not to Tell
Honesty Pays in the long run.
Do you tell the new family member that he/she's adopted or not? In my opinion, we did the right thing. We told him from day one, that we chose him. We also explained to our natural born daughter that she was our special little girl and he was our special little boy. Even though he could not understand what the word adoption meant, as he grew, we explained in more detail.
Others have decided against telling their child. To me, this was wrong, someone we knew, adopted their child. She overheard another friend talking about her being adopted, when she was a teenager. She rebelled, simply because others knew and she found out through listening to gossip. That is a cruel and senseless way for the child to learn the facts of her birth. It caused so much distrust, and strain on the family.
Too much information (overheard)
Two young boys were arguing in the park, one said he was dopted the other said he was doctored. It came to blows, until an intervention allowed parents to explain they were both right.
The one saying he was dopted meant he was adopted. The other one saying he was doctored had been circumcised. Lifes little problems do have a humerous side.
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Reasons to Adopt
There could be a number of reasons, why couples go through the process of applying for an adopted child. The couple may have tried unsuccessfully for many years to have their own child, without success. Some of these could have medical reasons for not falling pregnant, while others may not have fertile sperm.
For whatever reason, when a couple applies to adopt a child, they have to go through a lengthy process to be successful. Their screened as to their income, medical backgrounds, age, as well as both wanting this. Sometimes couples may apply although one just goes along with it to keep their partner happy. This is not a suitable situation for a healthy adoption. Years ago, it was a lot easier, as it was a disgrace for the parents, whose daughter becomes pregnant out of wedlock. Therefore, the daughter was virtually forced to move away, have the baby, then return home, to avoid a scandal in the household.
These days, so many girls have babies, purely to receive the baby bonus of thousands of dollars to bring that child into the world. The money is supposed to supply them with the essentials, like pram, bassinet, nappies, and clothes for the newborn. Most of the money more often goes for drugs, entertainment or similar, without the child receiving any benefit for the money.
Overseas children
The older child
There are many ways of Adopting a child
Many people look to adopt overseas, agreeing to bring a newborn in from a less wealthy country. The long waiting lists and unavailability of adopting in their own country is the reason why.
Successful older adoptions depend entirely on many circumstances that the child and the adoptee parents need to be aware. Some children have suffered from abuse of many sorts which will naturally cause lots of mental, and behavioral problems.
There have been many success and failure stories, under these circumstances, although problems are not entirely due to the ages of the adopted child.
The Adopted Child
It is very important for this newborn baby or child to be living in a safe and healthy environment. If for any reason this is not so, the adoption should not, be allowed to continue. We have always given our son the option of finding his natural parents. We gave him all the details that we had regarding his parents, and offered to help him find them if that was what he wanted. In fact, we encouraged him to follow up on this, although he refuses to do it.
This has to be his decision and his alone. We will not try to influence him either way, except to say that it would be good for him to try to contact them, for his own peace of mind. We also explained that, his parents would not have given him up without good reason, especially if they had seen his mischievous little smile.
We tried to adopt another child. And, as the woman explained, we have two beautiful healthy children, why not be satisfied, because there are so many people still trying to adopt their first. We therefore had to withdraw our application for another child.
Have we ever regretted, adopting a child? Never, we would do it all over again, mind you any child has his/her good and bad moments, and we have certainly had some of those with both of our children.
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Sun-girl you are so right, sometimes the adopted one appreciates you more than a normal birth child although mine are great kids.
Great topic which i enjoyed reading from and i must add that it pays a lot to treat any adopted child well like you are treating your own child because you never can tell who will be of great help to you during your old age.Rating this one up!
Theo Burggraaff, I was open about it because I think it is important for the child to know about their life and give them the chance to choose themselves if they want to find their biological heritage.
Honesty is always the best policy no matter what. This is so true about life in general too.
A very nice hub! I think it is great that you have been open straight from the beginning to your son about him being adopted. For me, as an adopted child from Indonesia coming into a Dutch family, it was hard for my parents to deny the fact that I wasn't adopted.. (they are caucasian)..
No, luckily also they were open about it. I never really wanted to look. My sister, who is also adopted did look for her biological parents and found her mother.
I hope to write a hub about it too, after reading your inspiring hub about adoption. Thanks!
Hi again Eileen. Oh no, I don't have that problem myself. I meant I recently tackled that TOPIC myself - sorry about the confusion. Anyway, you do great work, and I just wanted to commend you!
waj4all. No we didnt have that problem but you have to make sure that you treat each child as special and equal.
Very nice hub. Was anxious to see whether you'd count sibling-rivalry amongst the cons. Curious 'cause I recently tackled that myself. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for that Mommy, will follow you too welcome to hubs.
Great article about adoption, Eileen!
BTW, it's mommy from IB! I am now following you!
R.Metcalfe, Actually he is nearly 40 and no has not changed his mind. Just not interested at all. I wish he would though.thanks
Great story Eileen. I just wonder if your son still feels as though he does not want to find his birth mother? Has it changed with age as he has grown older has his curiosity got more or less?
Just curious
angela _michelle, Glad to help, Enjoy your children while you have them that is the reality.
E Welch, glad to hear that you have grandchildren, my husbands parents were so excited when we brought our adopted son home too.
So were my parents they were wrapped with his beautiful cheeky smile as well.thanks for stopping by
Great hub, We have an adopted granddaughter,the
heart truly knows no difference, love is simply
love.
Thank you it does help.
Angela_michelle, Glsad you stopped by, My husband and I have never been sorry for one minute (well mabe a couple) but we would do it again. And we did try. In all honesty I do not think there is any difference between and adopted child and your own birth child.
The child brings out its own natural love. It is an instinctive part of life. Look at puppies, we all love them and we did not give birth to them. Dont take that the wrong way. I was just trying to give an explanation of natural love it just happens. Good luck and try to always be honest with yours or your adopted child. They all deserve honesty. Hope that helps. Our adopted son kept coming back home until he was nearly 35. So....probably cheaper. haha
Great insight. I'm learning a lot about adoption right now. Actually I already have an adoptive daughter. But I know all my children will be adopted. My heart has hurt over hearing many of the adoptees feelings. It seems like there is not one positive story out there from the child's perspective as an adult. A friend gave me a book of good stories, but I noticed there are 82 stories 8 which are from the grown child's perspective.
It doesn't change my mind, but it breaks my heart.
We are registered charity and we are looking for homes and new families for many abandonded children of Bulgaria
angela, In my opinion go for it. To us our son was no different from the day he arrived. He just had this lovely little smile and that was it he was ours. And still is. In fact several people used to say that you could not argue that our son and daughter were brother and sister--- and they wernt biologically but were in every other way.
ninapoet, yes we have told him right from the day he came home. I know he didnt understand that but he was told that we chose him, that he was special and everyone else knew too.
I agree with you on the honest front. I appreciate you sharing with us, as all of our children will come to us through adoption.
Every child is different. So I am glad that are allowing him the choice.
ninapoet, we were honest, and have also given our son all the details and said that we would back him if ever he wants to find his biological parents. But he is not interested so it is up to him in the end.
Thanks for stopping buy. Glad thst yours worked out too.
I am all for honesty. I personally think it is necessary to establish trust early in life. As someone that was adopted at five days, I was told at a young age that I was adopted. My sister, Linda, was also adopted. We never looked a thing alike. I am glad that I was adopted but I also wanted to find my biological parents. My question is to those of you that adopt or may adopt, are you prepared to allow your child to find their biological family someday if they want to? Adoption can be fantastic, so long as everyone is opened and honest. Read more about my experiences at my hub. Thank you for realizing how important honesty is~!
ladybird, Thanks for that, yes all children give love back in return. It depends of course on the ages of children, some have been illtreated and will come naturally with problems. That is not the childs fault. If they are pulled from pillar to post then we have to expect problems. Yes I agree go for it.
Eileen, we adopted our son too and you did an excellent job writing this, plus, to give people/couples options in there journey through adoption. I wish I was young enough to do more becaue it was by far the greatest gift I ever have received in my life. Children are unconditional and just want to be loved and give love. The best journey and I recommend parenthood to all, biologically or through adoption, it doesn't matter, just do it :) Very pleased to be your fan!
Carmen, its a big decision to make especially these days because it can be heart breaking if you cannot adopt one after waiting and hoping for years.
Well written, excellent hub.
Personally, I am pro-adoption, and think that the children who are, are blessed to have parents who love them so very much. With many abandoned children, or those whose biological parents for whatever reason could not look after them, it gives them an opportunity to have what they deserve... a loving family.
I have heard that it can be difficult to go through such a lengthy process, and wish that it could be easier for those that are true to adopt the child they long for.
A wonderful hub, moving and honest.
Blessings
Aevans, thanks for that. it is amazing it doesnt have to be your own flesh and blood, because they bring their own love with them.
And lets face it. Sometimes our own flesh and blood kids do not respect us or love us any more than the adopted or fostered children do.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
We adopted a little boy and he knows he is adopted, he is our wonderful little boy and a blessing we love him as much as he loves us. I wish I would have seen this article months ago, as it is a wonderful topic to discuss. :)
Alisha, I totally agree with you, we were very lucky when we went through this process in Australia. But today so many girls are keeping their children, not because they want the child, they want the money. Having said that, this does not apply to all of them.
And yes you would think the countries would welcome the relief of people wanting to look after those starving children. All institutions should be better supervised especially where children are concerned. Thanks for stopping by
This is a very nice hub. Thank you for writing it. There are so many needy children who need loving homes. I wish that the foriegn countries where these poor children are would make adoption easier for the average person. As it stands most couples can not afford the tens of thousands of dollars needed to adopt a child from an impoverished country and the children suffer for it. On a side note if you have young children at home be very careful about adopting an older child as things that happen in some of these orphanges is appalling. There is very little supervision there, inappropriate behavior is rampant, and you need to protect your own children as well. That said I am very pro-adoption. As stated before I just wish it was more affordable.
That is very true. There can be a lot of issues and feelings involved on both sides. Everyone has (for want of a better word ) there own baggage, and this can cause problems further down the track. But having said that. It also happens with the parents own natural born children. And that is why I believe they need to grow up feeling loved as early as possible and being told the truth. Leaving it until they are older does not work. So many children are finding their natural parents today.
As prems4u said sometimes the adoptee parents have to face some problems when the adopted child comes to know about his/her real parents but certainly it does not happen in all cases.
Thanks alexix. yes that is very true, and honesty is best.
Premsu...A child in my opinion whether adopted or not can suffer from depression these with the turmoil in the world. Adoption is not the cause it is the way the children are brought up. And of course who they mix with as they grow up.
Thanks though I will check out that link to see what the hub refers to.
Nice hub ... the Adopted Children have depression if they know that they are adopted .Read more in this hub
Telling the truth from the beginning is important, I feel. I never did understand why people would want to hide the fact that a child is adopted. There are so many children in this world who have No one. ADOPTION should be one of the best blessings going. Great hub Eileen!
Hi, I'm afraid I would not have any idea. I live in Australia. It took us about 18 mths 35 years ago. Now it would take a lot longer in australia. US would have completely different rules and regs.
It changes from situation to situation. I know when we applied the second time I believe they even took in the prime ministers wage because no way would the average wage expectation have been what we were earning. Sorry I cannot help you more. But type into google and ask that very question. It may surprise you.
About how long does the adoption process take in the US, from beginning to end?
Yes its the only way to go. They did there own thing our daughter loved photography and our son raced go-karts. So it was family outing with him racing and her taking all the competitors photos.
Another great topic Eileen. Glad you guys treated your son the same as daughter that is the key.
authoreshan 8 weeks ago
My Aunt adopted son many years ago...But at last her son cheated her....